


Two Halves of One Alice

by IttyBittyStrawberry



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alice in Wonderland References, Bittersweet, Blood, Digital Art, Dreams and Nightmares, Explicit Language, Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Forced Marriage, Gender Issues, Gray-Asexuality, Male Homosexuality, Masturbation in Bathroom, Multi, Non-binary character, Psychological Horror, Romance, Self-Acceptance, Soulmates, Suggestive Themes, Transphobia, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:29:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25892896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IttyBittyStrawberry/pseuds/IttyBittyStrawberry
Summary: I have been having unusual dreams lately-perhaps logging them will provide much needed insight into my troubled psyche.As my dreams deepen, the line dividing reality and dreams merge together, until the gap ceases to exist.~~~A personal coping project. Some events are inspired by actual dreams.WARNINGS: Story deals with heavy themes such as implied transphobia. There are also some moresexual themes, such as a masturbation scene. Elements of psychological horror/thriller are inthe third chapter.
Relationships: Female Character/Male Character, Non-Binary Characters/Male Characters
Kudos: 2





	1. A Peculiar Birthday Celebration

**A Peculiar Birthday Celebration**

I never thought I would pick up a habit most associate with adolescent males, until my ardent flames for a certain best friend grew to unmanageable levels. Panting in the highly-esteemed University’s restroom stall, I took care of the unfinished business, my shame and embarrassment increasing with each stroke. My heart trembling within my chest cavity, as if about to burst like a jack-in-a-box. Using my other hand to mask my feminine moans from others who may enter. My thoughts were filled with nothing but Fievel, his skin like the finest silk, his sculpted physique, his beaming smile as bright as the early morning sun. I craved him more than I had ever desired anything in my life. The forbidden dream I had with us together, Fievel the Cyan Rabbit. His large hand touching my most sensitive part, with utmost care, pleasuring me better than I ever could. He was the only one in my life who could make me feel such a way, reducing my instincts to that of a rabbit.

“A-Ah!” My hips thrusted forward instinctively. I quickly removed my hand from my mouth, grabbing my handkerchief from my pocket just in time to catch the warm semen leaking from my member with each strong pulse; pleasure rippling throughout my body. The short-lived afterglow was replaced by shame, having realized what I had just done, and why I had done it.

I sighed, cleaning myself up before exiting the stall. I shifted my eyes, scanning the bathroom for other males, then proceeded to the trash. My freshly soiled handkerchief was once lush green, now stained with off white, the color of my filthy sins. Keeping this was not an option, nor could I wash it in the sink then use the hand dryer; that would be unsanitary. Fievel behaves as though he is a small child; his eyes wander in places they should not go. I would not want to give his imagination anymore fuel than it already contains. I gingerly wrapped the handkerchief in paper towels before tossing it into its paper grave, then washed my hands in the sink, visualizing my shame washing down the drain along with the rose scented soap. Not wanting to pick up any germs from the sink handle, I dried my hands off before using my paper towel to shut the faucet off. My judging reflection stared back at me from the mirror. Oh, how I had seen better days. My friend was correct; studying in excess without any room for rest is not the best idea.

“No more stalling now,” I whispered to myself, throwing away the crumbled paper. Taking one deep breath, I exited the restroom, feeling relieved until I inevitably had to face Fievel.

“Haha, took ya long enough!” I felt an elbow prod my arm thrice. “What were ya doing in there?” Fievel gave me a wink, the urge to divert my gaze elsewhere overwhelmed me.

“Fievel, it is quite impolite to ask what someone has been doing in the restroom.” I took one glance at him before looking away from Fievel once more; the man who seemed to have no knowledge of personal space. I noticed his face getting close to mine from my peripheral vision; too close for comfort, my heart skipped a beat. My eyebrows furrowed slightly, partially due to embarrassment, knowing what I had done moments ago.

“Calm down bro! No need to be ashamed over taking care of some ‘business’! Feels much better than having blue balls doesn’t it?”

My face immediately flushed at the blunt vulgarity; his mouth was never something I could get used to. I cleared my throat, trying to keep my composure as much as possible. He knew much more than I was comfortable with, as always. Hiding anything from Fievel progressively became increasingly difficult overtime.

“Ah alright, alright I’ll stop teasin’ ya.” Fievel gave my back a few hardy pats. “Let’s go to the place I was tellin’ ya about! When I say it’s 100% you, it for sure is!”

He grabbed me by the hand, the very same hand that committed sin, despite my stammering protests. My reminders that running down the halls was prohibited and more fitting for a juvenile than a 20-year-old man were of course, ignored.

☆☆☆

There we were, standing before a hedge maze, trimmed meticulously to perfection. Up ahead there were hedges in the shape of rabbits decorated by crimson-colored roses, and even further ahead, a lofty, white castle accented with varying pinks and reds, adorned with large chess pieces. Only ten couples at a time were permitted to enter the maze, as to not completely flood it. The gatekeeper appeared to be dressed up as a humanoid heart suite card.

“Tickets if you please!” The gatekeeper’s voice boomed. Fievel hastily presented the two tickets he pulled out from his suspender pocket, handing them to the man. I must have expressed visible surprise considering Fievel turned to me, asking with a cheeky grin: “What? Did you really think I would lose them when it’s your special day?”

“O-oh quiet,” I replied with a hushed tone, observing the other people around us. Upon closer inspection, I noticed a similar trend among the pairs, one that I wish I had not overanalyzed. The amorous glances, interwoven hands, bashful smiles, and chittering giggles. Such exchanges that were unique to a certain special connection between two human beings. Once more, my heart fluttered. These were undoubtedly romantic pairs. My best friend had taken me to an event meant for romantic partners. We’re, we are, being perceived as two lovebirds partaking in a date; the curiosity from the other couples most certainly isn’t, is not, helping matters at all. Good heavens, an explanation for this is needed before my headache worsens-

“Ma’am you’re holding up the line.” The voice of the gatekeeper said, snapping me back into the present moment. I had put aside the fact the man had addressed me as a woman, though I was slightly irked being reminded of my androygenous appearance. Fievel had also been asking me if I was feeling well, while also tugging at my arm gently to move forward.

“Oh my, sincerest apologies, good sir-“ A sudden surge of warmth filled my face hearing a female voice from behind me say: “Isn’t that precious? Those two must be new lovebirds!”  
Fievel, what have you done, and why have you done this, my mind wondered. With my legs feeling stiffer than a statue, I forced myself to follow Fievel’s footsteps, into the maze. Once I knew for certain we were alone, I asked the intimidating question.

“Fievel, do you realize this is an event for couples?” My paranoia increased, for an irrational reason. There logically is no point in caring whether strangers interpret our friendship in anything except for a platonic sense. Now if only I could apply the same cognitive methods I have used on my clients, on myself.

“Yeah, but who said we can’t enjoy it!” He lifted my hand, grasping it slightly tighter, tenderly even. My growing confusion and frustration got the better of me. To no avail, I tried ungluing my hand from his unrelenting grasp, prompting him to frown.

“But broooo, I gotta make sure we don’t get lost!” His puppy-like pleading made it difficult to decline him.

“I-I can take care of myself thank you very much!” I uncharacteristically spouted while attempting to be stern.

The deadly grasp loosened until I felt the air against my now free palm, slightly damp due to the bodily heat exchange. My heart calmed down to its resting pulse, slowly, my breath caught up as well. My golden hazel eyes aligned with his jasper reds, peering down at me with an intensity I had never seen on Fievel before. Opening my mouth was useless; the words were stuck in my throat, refusing to spill fourth. The silence persisted, broken by the friction between my hair rubbing against my scalp caused by Fievel’s hand stroking my head. His beaming aura, was replaced by a serene glow, subtle but noticeable, lukewarm like summer mist.

“Wanna explore the maze with me?” He spoke in a calmer manner. I was tempted to grab the handkerchief in my pocket, until I remembered its hopeless demise in the restroom’s disposal bin.

“F-Fievel…” I muttered. Snapping out of my daze, I cleared my throat. As much as I wanted this intimate moment to never end, this was my best friend, and nothing more.

“Of course.” I managed an awkward, small smile, an expression my facial muscles were not trained to form much.

My best friend’s energy renewed itself, and there he was, back to his vigorous ways. Pounding a fist against his chest, he shouted.

“Alright then! Onward!” He marched forward, his coat sleeve blowing in the wind.

Is it love? Could it, truly be love? For my best friend? I would not want to admit it, if it was. Perhaps the Cyan Rabbit and Fievel are one and the same after all.

☆☆☆

We traveled the maze together, for what seemed like an endless journey. Not once had we encountered the other couples, the romantic ones. Logically, we should have at least encountered a few out of the ten.

“Fievel, are we almost there?” I asked, only to receive silence. “Fievel?” I called out to him again, scanning my surroundings somewhat frantically. My best friend, who had been with me moments ago, vanished, leaving no breadcrumbs in sight for me to follow. He was known for his hasty ways, undoubtedly. Leaving me behind was uncharacteristic of him.

“Fievel!” I called out once more. My expectations for an answer were not high. No answer, again. Where, oh where, could my best friend disappear to?

“Your friend is elsewhere and here!” A jovial little voice responded back to me, startling me out of my wits. I searched around me in a vain attempt to find the source. “Down here!” I bent down, baffled to see what appeared to be a mixture between an elf and feline; its hat resembled a pastel candy pink mushroom, white spots scattered about it like sprinkles on a cupcake. It stood upright like a human, with a long tail emerging from the back and oversized arms. Bewildered, I continued staring at the creature, questioning my sanity. Was this yet another dream? If so, when will the dreams cease? Or am I going mad? I suppose my only option was to play along, even if these were hallucinations. After all, the maze and the castle already seemed suspicious. Yet again, I was Alice in this unusual journey.

“It is your love you seek, correct? The one who flutters your heart more than anyone else could?” The creature spoke to me in a matter-of-fact manner, not breaking its cheery tone. It must have not been more than a few inches tall. Perhaps only a little smaller than a human toddler.

“I-I would not word it like that-“ I stammered yet again, turning away to push up my glasses, that were already pushed up to the very bridge of my nose. “But yes I am indeed searching for my best friend. Do you know where he may be? Please do tell me.” I remembered to always keep my politeness intact, regardless if the being is a human, a living door, or a, whatever this creature may be. A mushroom feline, is all I can call it, erm, them for now.

“I can help you, dear stranger, meow!” They meowed at me, further confirming their feline nature. “Hold on tight!” Tapping the mushroom on its head caused pink spores to scatter around me, some of which I had accidentally inhaled. Too focused on coughing out the cotton candy flavored spores into my elbow, I did not notice my stature changing. My surroundings were blurring, everything seeming to merge together, making my stomach turn along with it. I softly landed on the ground, looking up partially in shock and awe at the new perspective. Above me I could see grass blades reaching up to the afternoon sky, scattered with fluffy brush strokes. The creature standing before me had also shrunken to a smaller size than it was previously.

“I’m an Eno, the guides of these magnificent lands!” It began telling me, gesturing at its hat. “These caps come in handy, don’t they?”

“Honestly, that is difficult to determine at this time,” I said, politely as possible. “And may I inquire, what lands you speak about?”

“A dream land, you see? These are not, most certainly not, occurrences that can happen in the more reality bond lands.”

As expected from any Wonderland-esque being, the Eno was equally as vague, but I pressed on.

“Do you intend to tell me, that I am having another dream?” I pressed against my nose’s bridge, feeling yet another tension headache.

“Not at all, lad! Perhaps think of it as a merged reality. After all, are dreams not just that, dear psychologist?”

Further inquiries only to receive more abstract ideas, at this point, would only lead to worsening headaches. Playing along as if this is another dream would likely prove to be the easier path, and perhaps I will be able to find Fievel again.

“Do you wish to see your friend or have you changed your mind?” The creature canted its head to the side in question.

“I would like to see my friend please.” I responded with no hesitation.

“Alright then! Right down this door if you will!”

A convenient door was placed beneath my feet. Odd that I did not take notice of it until now; could it have been there the whole time without my awareness? Ah, oh well, I opened the door, greeted by a checkered path some distance downward from me. I would have to take a risk and jump down, hoping that I would land on the path and not plunge into the purple galaxy. Taking a breath, I took a leap of faith. The fall seemed endless. My survival instincts were convincing me this could be the end of my life, until my feet landed on the path with a graceful tap. I inhaled, then exhaled, continuing down the distorted path, the painted scenery swerving like liquid. While analyzing my surroundings, ticking clocks, keys, and photographic memories of me and my best friend were scattered about, floating in the liquid space. An ominous tick, tock, tick, tick of the various clocks and a few keys clanging together gave birth to dread within my depths. Continuing forward, I came across another door, opening it impulsively due to the sheer determination coursing through my veins.

…

“My dude, I mean, my most despicable party guest, where is your sense of dignity? Touching him like that, during our little tea party no less!” I heard a slightly disappointed voice lecturing another character. “And you didn’t, I mean, did not even have the basic decency to ask? Do you wish for this birthday celebration to be your last, eh?”

“Ahaha, my apologies! A rabbit mustn’t deny a scrumptious carrot every once in a blue moon, you see? Having my own to indulge in isn’t always a satisfying option for my appetite.” Another voice responded back. Both voices sounded unnervingly similar to the pitch and the distinctive accent unique to my best friend’s.

“Be quiet before I stitch your mouth shut exactly how I stitch the seams on my hats!” The other voice spat back. My eyes finally opened to witness the scene unfolding in front of me. There was not one Fievel, but two; the Rabbit Fievel and Hatter Fievel, the latter giving the former a lecture on etiquette, while the rabbit half-heartedly “begged” for mercy, not too guilty having indulged in his lust. I diverted my attention to a curvy tree; the Eno who had guided me here was lazily seated on a branching, partaking in the celebration while observing the mess between me and the two Fievels.

“Tsk, tsk, the poor lad has quite a battle in his mind. You now see it with your own two eyes! Only you will be able to help him now!” They said, sipping a…candied tea cup before taking a bite into it. I hoped it was edible for this creature’s sake.

Feeling the heat rise up once more in my cheeks, I sunk into the comfortable armchair I had been seated in, hoping I could hide under the table -

“Oh would you look at that! He’s awake, he’s awake!” Hatter Fievel noticed me before I could follow through with my admittedly, foolish plan. As if a table would hide me from two Fievels with the same persistence as the real one. I could only hope that my mind would have mercy and end the dream soon.

“Hey bro! Wanna have fun again?” Rabbit Fievel called out to me with a friendly wave, causing my body to jolt. I still had not forgotten the “party activities” from before; the seemingly platonic casualness paired with the ambiguous intentions, I found completely off-putting.

BONK

“Owww…” He whined, stroking his tender head, Hatter Fievel’s raised fist being a strong indicator of what caused the pain. His ears drooped pitifully. “Whhhhy’d you do thaaaat?”

“To put it bluntly; for being too horn-I mean risqué, at the birthday table!”-His arm fell back to his side-“If we are to impress our dear bro, we must behave in a manner he would appreciate! Meaning no, erm, touchy, touchy business! Speak formally, and for heaven’s sake stop coming onto him!”

“Do ya mean no sex?” His hand gestures mimicked intercourse. “We never got to that point!”

“Do you crave punishment?” Hatter was having none of that.

Hearing a delicate clang on the table, I noticed someone’s head popping out of a robin’s egg blue porcelain teapot; one that was small enough to serve a single person. It was yet another Fievel, only with mouse attributes, staring back at me, dark shadows underneath his eyes.

“Please ignore them.” He yawned, making me a touch drowsy. “They argue like this all the time. Neither of them would be worthy of you, you see? Neither would I, be worthy of the love you’d provide.”

My mouth closed once I heard the clang again, denying me from speaking to the little mouse Fievel. It had not dawned on me before until looking at all the Fievels: Cyan Rabbit, Silver Hatter, and a Cerulean Dormouse. The spinning in my head commenced. Not once had I ever thought I would be seeing so many Fievels in one place, all being equally pleasing to the eyes-I should not be thinking such thoughts.

“How many more of you exist here?” I had to know, to prepare myself for a potentially long journey down the road.

Hatter Fievel lifted up his finger to respond, abruptly interrupted by the energetic rabbit, who he had grimaced at for doing so.

“Let’s see! There’s me, the best one!” He pointed at himself. “The stick in the mud Hatter!” He pointed at Hatter, who slapped his hand dismissively. “The depressed Dormouse!” He pointed at the little tea pot containing the sleeping Dormouse. “And we also have the jokester Cheshire, who spends much of his free time in the woods not too far from here! Then there’s the King of Hearts, the Fievel ruling these beautiful lands, but we all can agree, do not burden yourself with him!”

The peculiar warning prompted me to ask: “Why not? You all are Fievel clones.”

All the Fievels exchanged glances with one another, including the Dormouse who had popped his head out from the tea pot before once again, going back in.

“Dear Aitzin, you are much too innocent. The King of this land is known for his violent tendencies. My, my, he threatened to behead us all! All other Fievels agree it would be in your best interest to avoid that one. You may not like the truth.” The Hatter looked at me, an intensity in his eyes like the real Fievel’s, when he stared into my golden hazels while traversing the maze together. Time had been going by quickly and slowly simultaneously. I found myself yearning for my best friend, the real Fievel, who I had not seen in ages, or so it felt that way.

I left the armchair, pushing it in so as to not forget my manners “I am leaving.” I said sternly, my voice already worn thin. “I want no Fievel at this table to accompany me. The Eno is welcome if they so please.”

The Eno hopped down from the tree, joining my side. My headache could no longer take the nonsense all these Fievels were having me endure. The Rabbit’s ears drooped. The Hatter fiddled with his multi-handled tea cup, at a loose for words. The Dormouse had not come out of his tea pot, presumably too exhausted after handling these two on a regular basis, perhaps.

My companion held me by the hand, guiding me away from the table, away from the unusual Fievels, away from the sickeningly sweet scent of layered cake being wafted to me by the wind.

☆☆☆

Part 2: The Forest Maws

A lightning fly had rubbed past my cheek, assuming the insect was even a lightning fly in this bizarre land where the abstract victors over logic. We had entered a thick forest, illuminated by fungi, purple, blue, and pink, nearing full grown tree height, and smaller fungi of those colors scattering the grassy floors. Had it not been for these natural lanterns, seeing through the darkness would prove to be an impossible feat unless I were a night bird. Occasionally I would hear honking, stopping to let “ducks” (they were horns with duck feet) pass by. As illogical this world may seem, I would feel quite saddened if I stepped on an innocent creature minding its own business. The forest’s aesthetic calmed my anxiety, relieving the headache that came along with it-

Until I heard hasty footsteps coming from behind me. Of course, that would occur the moment I calm down.

“Brooooo!” The voice of whom I presumed to be the Cyan Rabbit Fievel called out to me. After he had come onto me earlier, I was concerned he would attempt to seduce me once again. Forbidden thoughts were entering my mind. I cursed my sudden inability to control these untamed demons.

Turning around confirmed my guess. It was indeed the Rabbit from my dream earlier today. The one that made me feel things I never thought I would ever feel. He came to a sudden halt, holding out, with two hands, a basket.

“Picnic?” He asked me, his eyes pleading, and his ears drooping. Out of the three Fievels I had met, this one seemed to like m-enjoy my company the most, and resembled my best friend the most. It was too difficult, too cruel, to deny him a picnic, and oh how I wanted to have one with him.

“Alright,” I began. Waving a stern finger at him, I continued: “Promise me you will control yourself this time.”

His eyes sparkled, his ears perked up, and he flashed me with a genuine smile, leaving me with a ticklish feeling in my chest. The Eno made itself known by meowing at us both, climbing up a tree in a flash.

“I will give you two privacy!” They said from above the treetops, albeit a little too loudly. Perhaps the other Fievels will not be too jealous of this one getting my attention.

☆☆☆

The picnic was a fine spread: freshly baked bread lightly slathered with butter, lilac vanilla cake decorated in intricate frosting and fondant flowers, recently caught cooked oysters in some unidentifiable but delicious red sauce, a mixed mushroom salad, and rose tea sweetened by the sweetest honey. I questioned where he had gotten this spread; if he made it entirely himself or if Wonderland versions of our college mates, like Reese made it here somehow. No matter; I was enjoying my time with Fievel, whether he was the real Fievel or not. Oh…what nonsense am I speaking? This cannot be the real one, the one who cannot possibly feel-

“What’s wrong?”-I felt a hand gently grasp my chin, lifting it so that my eyes interlocked with Fievel, no, Rabbit Fievel’s eyes. “You’re crying…”

“Eh?”

Warm tears had been rolling down my face, without me realizing, without my consent. Tears I had been hiding from the true Fievel, since last semester, showing themselves to a mere figment, a shell, an imposter. I clutched my chest, feeling a painful surge through not only my heart. No, the entirety of my soul, shattering slowly, fragment by fragment. This can’t be love. It absolutely can't be love. Not for my best friend, please, anyone but him. This isn’t fair.

“Ah-” I gasped, suddenly feeling myself being pulled forward by strong, gentle arms, embracing my delicate body. The ears attached to my dear friend’s head, vanished. There was no Rabbit Fievel anymore; just Fievel, the one I had known throughout high school. The one I had been spending my college days with. The same one who had encouraged me, to seek what was beyond my internal world. His sunshine scent. His jolly aura. His divine warmth. His brazen smile. Yes, this was my best friend, holding me tight within his arms.

In that moment, I had found clarity among the madness. 

I did, in fact, love my best friend.  
I hugged Fievel, fully allowing myself to sob heavily within his arms…

Wondering if he had felt the same as I…

And what I’d do... 

If he didn’t…

☆☆☆

“Hey, hey! Wake up! Wake up!”

I had awoken to chocolate scented paws in my face. Groaning, I picked myself off the ground, my glasses still stained with tears, and quite filthy. I wished I had a spare, soft handkerchief in my possession; alas I did not.

Feeling a shiver down my spine, I looked up in the direction I had thought I felt a presence, and unfortunately, I had been right. In the tree branches, I spotted stripes, yellow glowing eyes, and devious, shark-like teeth looking down at me. Before I could properly react to what I was seeing, something had pounced me, startling even my Eno companion, who climbed back up the tree.

“A-Ah, w-what in heaven’s name-“ A long stripy tail tickled my face playfully. Closing my eyes tightly, I did not want to see what may have been looking down at me.

“Hehehe, Aitzin~” Fievel’s voice echoed in my mind. I opened my eyes to see a purple Fievel, magenta stripes in his hair. The smile I had seen in the trees remained plastered on his face. My primitive brain could not decide between arousal and fear, so they instead merged together. The dent in my pants made my desires clear to the Cheshire Fievel; I had felt ashamed for even liking it. The Cheshire playfully poked at my member, protected by the pants and my knickers underneath. He giggled once more, then said in a husky voice.

“I can take care of this, if you let me that is~”

I audibly swallowed, my throat parched from anxiety. My thoughts danced around, wondering if these Fievels were as experienced as the true Fievel. If the true Fievel had such fantasies about me as well. If this was a shared dream we were both having together, and we were somehow peeking inside one another’s minds. Hypothetically, if this were indeed the case, perhaps he knows my desire to be loved properly was burning deep within me, though actually partaking in anything beyond hand holding, would be much too soon.

Before my thoughts could divulge any deeper, the Cheshire unpinned me, laughing.

“Bro, you should see the flustered look on your face!” He placed a paw on his face and stomach, barely able to keep himself sewn together. “Man, doesn’t take much to get the blood pumpin’ in ya, in more ways than one!”

I was not as nearly amused. Picking myself off the ground a second time, I crossed my arms, staring at the Cheshire, who had stopped laughing upon noticing my seriousness.

“Why, oh why, must you play with my emotions? You do realize I’m, I am not prey?” The shakiness in my voice was clear, but I held my own against this mischievous Fievel, who seemed to enjoy lighting my flame. “At least you have the decency to not take me against my will.”

The Cheshire Fievel looked nervous, pulling at his shirt collar with a sharp nail. “No, of course I would never do that! It was just a joke bro, no homo, I swear-”

“Oh? Pinning down who you perceive as another man and telling them ‘I can take care of this’ is not homosexual behavior? Do you call these normal heterosexual shenanigans among ‘bros’  
What nonsense…I will never understand heteronormative society!”

There was an awkward silence. Shutting my mouth, I refrained from saying more, realizing I had indirectly exposed which way I swung on the pendulum; not like it was not already obvious to most. The Cheshire Fievel blinked thrice.

“Are you gay?” He asked, scratching an ear, his eyes shifting away from me.

“G-Goodbye.” I spun around on one foot and proceeded in the opposite direction of the naughty Cheshire, stopping when I heard the Eno tell me: “Aitzin, you’re going the wrong way!”

“Is there no alternate path?” I did not want to walk right past the Cheshire; only the angels knew what he would attempt had I tried.

“Nope!” The Eno responded, similar to the tone of a child speaking to their parent. Sighing, I turned the other direction. “Do not follow me.” I told the Cheshire, who had been standing there dumbfounded. I turned around in between every so many steps, seeing if the cat was following me. He had disappeared, hopefully for certain.

☆☆☆

Having made my way out of the forest, I inhaled, exhaling in relief. My legs were aching; how long had I been in that forest, I wondered to myself, gazing at the maze before me with the castle ahead. Its appearance eerily like the maze and castle I had seen while awake, no, it was an exact replica.

“I can no longer assist you from here, dear Aitzin.” The Eno spoke, gazing up at me, its adorable dolly eyes reflecting at least a hundred years’ worth in maturity. “I think you know what you must do: Make your choice beyond this point, for it will determine not only your future, but his too.”

“Our future?” I unintentionally said aloud. At this rate, I could add a nickel in a jar for all the times I had blushed today and be wealthy. The Eno nodded, extending a paw for what I assumed would be a farewell handshake. Instead, the creature clapped its paw against my palm, leaving a pink paw print. In a flash, the Eno disappeared, the question I had in my mind faded, likely never to be answered, at least, not verbally. My small friend was gone; emptiness swelled inside me, but there was only going forward.

“Painting the roses lilac!”

Some voices sang in unison. Up ahead, there were multiple miniature playing card themed Fievels painting cyan roses lilac. They were a threesome: 2, 5, and 7, painting the beautiful roses in synch to each verse they sung, my sudden appearance interrupting their flow.

“Is that who I think it is?” 2 said, dropping the paintbrush on the grass, staining it lilac.

“Dude, you better clean that mess unless ya want us all to lose our heads!” 5 lectured, prompting an apology from 2.

“Ya came sooner than expected! We haven’t even finished them yet!” 7 continued painting with such haste, not even taking a single glance at me.

“Who is telling you to paint these roses? They were pretty as is.” I almost pitied the roses, being forced to suppress their natural hue. Cyan roses were not a natural occurrence in the world I came from; only in what I now call “Fievelland”, a place where Fievel’s thoughts and emotions roam.

“Bro, the King! If we don’t get these finished, we’ll die!” 5 anxiously picked up his paint bucket and brush, coating a rose with an extra layer. It seemed to be suffocating underneath.

“We would love to stop, trust us,” 2 proceeded to paint, lifting their dripping brush off the rose to point it in my direction-“but knowing we’ll be killed if we don’t, motivates us to do what we don’t want!”

“Not on the grass, fuckin’ moron!” 5 angrily boomed, startling me and the other two.

“Sorry…” 2 shrunk, literally. The hastier one of the three, could not bear to be seen. As for I, I could not bear to see him this way.

“No need to be brash with yourselves.” In that moment, I had remembered my natural talent, being psychology, and this was essentially Fievel’s mind. “Stop painting the roses, and I promise that your lives will be spared. I will be the one to speak with the King.”

All three Fievels exchanged glances, then simultaneously dropped their paintbrushes into their respective brushes. Well, 2 tried, and somehow spilled the entire bucket onto the grass. 5 did not lecture him this time.

“Awright Aitzin, we could use a break anyway,” 5 began, sitting down next to a hedge, leaning back, a can of true Fievel’s favorite blue raspberry cream carbonated beverage materializing in his hand. “We’ve been doing this kinda work for months, barely any breaks, and the paint keeps chippin’!” The other two joined 5, slumping down lazily by his side, eating and drinking the same foods and beverages True Fievel deeply enjoyed. The scene was rather endearing somehow, as it was strange.

“Off with your fuckin’ head! Both of ‘em!”

Hearing Fievel’s angry voice, sent shivers down my spine. My, erm, True Fievel was not known for being temperamental unless pushed far above his limits. Seeing such time bomb explode, was a terrifying sight for anyone to behold.

A purple blur ran past me, its tail whacking me like a whip. Whatever the Cheshire had done was not fully appreciated one bit. I shooed away the 3 playing card Fievels, who did not hesitate to run off into the forest with the Cheshire.

The castle door was kicked open, revealing a crimson-haired Fievel in the same intricate royal attire as the card he was referencing, the King of Hearts. His crown was reminiscent of the Queen chess piece. The dangerous expression he wore, made him like a wolf out for blood, only softening once locking eyes with mine.

“A-Aitzin, is that you?” He almost said in a whisper. I nodded my head, not quite knowing what else to say. I was exhausted and homesick, not quite wanting to continue this journey any further. There was only one place I wanted to be, and that was with True Fievel, then again, these Fievels were likely as real as the one I knew.

With a spring in his hasty steps, he approached me, embracing me exactly how the True Fievel would. I resisted, attempting to push him off me, to no avail; he was much stronger than I.

“You have some explaining to do.” The monotone tinge to my voice, even bothered me. King Fievel let me go, choosing to hold onto my hands instead.

“I love you.”

Those words quickened my pulse, my sheer willpower being the only thing keeping me from breaking. Hearing those words in Fievel’s voice, was heaven and hell mixed together into a unique concoction, for both my ears and soul.

“Do you love me?” He asked, his cyan eyes piercing through me. A word lump began forming in my throat.

Silence. Memories of the Eno’s words resonated in my mind. This was my only chance to determine my future, Fievel’s future, our future. Inhaling deeply, I recited the poem within my heart.

“Yes, yes I do love you Fievel. All your unique sides, no matter how much you may dislike some. From the depressed-ridden Dormouse to the hasty Rabbit, I love all that is you.”

Tears began welling up in my eyes once more, having made the heaviest confession of my now 20 years living, without fearing rejection.

In that moment, the world shattered like glass, leaving me and the other Fievels in the soupy, purple space from before, when I began my journey. The Cyan Rabbit, The Silver Hatter, The Cerulean Dormouse, The Purple Cheshire, The Crimson King, The Playing Cards, all merged together into one Fievel. Once again, I was in the arms of the Whole Fievel, my best friend, and the one I loved.

The picture in the looking glass began fading like condensation on a steamy mirror. Another Alice stared back at me; her kempt, long mane colored like blossoming lilacs, held back by a large ribbon. Her delicate skin only a little lighter than my own. My, she looked like a living doll, still innocent, untouched by sin. Sheltered like a little rabbit in a cage. Perhaps you and I, are one and the same too. Dew drops formed in the corners of her empathetic, mulberry eyes. Her soul shook within her, while looking directly into mine. Our hands touching through the glass, before darkness took over my vision.

☆☆☆

“Hey, Aitzin…?”

It had been a month after the Fievelland dream.

Fievel and I had been spending the afternoon by the docks, listening to the seagulls singing their family’s song from above, passed down by many generations. The salty ocean air was pleasant after spending too many days in the university’s stifling library.

“What is it Fievel?” My gaze broke away from the clouds above, now fixated on his. His fidgety movements made me believe he was using his willpower to look at me, a rare behavior for him.

“Did you really mean what you said? That you love me? All of me?”-He fiddled with his fingers, chuckling nervously-“Ya may find this silly, but in a dream I had a month ago, ya said you did-“ His accent had slipped, despite his efforts. “And it’s awright if ya don’t, ahaha…ha..there’s no way you feel the same-“

Adrenaline rushed through my body and head. Did we truly have a shared dream?

Desperately trying to find words, I instead blurted out a clumsy, yet heartfelt: “W-Why yes! O-Of course I love you!” My voice nearly broke into a wheeze at having to say those last three words. Fievel awkwardly chuckled at my flushing, hugging me closer to him with one arm. Clasping my now boiling face with both hands, I muttered out: “I-I’m utterly hopeless!”, to which Fievel laughed more at, as his response, and at my expense.

“Ya know, it’s so cute when you slip on your words~” He teased, attempting to pull my hands away from my face.

“F-Fievel! You can’t do that! We’re in public!” I nearly whined, insisting to keep myself covered. He let me go, not without planting a small kiss on my hand first.

“Guess that’ll do it for now! Say, do I call ya a brofriend? Or a boyfriend? Oh, and watch out ya don’t fall off the dock! Unless you wanna have me save you!”

“P-Please have mercy!” I said, no longer able to withhold my own giggles.

Fievel, my best friend, was now my most beloved. All the Fievels in him, were beautiful to me.

Taking a hand off my face, the hand that had been stamped, still had the paw print.


	2. The Pleasance to My Liddell

**The Pleasance to My Liddell**

It felt as though I had only recently walked into University for the first time, its grand doors receptive to my entry. Oh, how the time passes by when one does not pay much attention to the flipping calendar. A day that should have been joyous, tainted by bitterness, realizing my best friend, the man I loved, was to be wedded two weeks after graduation. A hollow void had been forming within my chest. My waterworks completely busted, tears no longer flow. Only emptiness remains, here to stay, forevermore, or so it seemed in my current moment.

The cellar device on my desk suddenly emitted a blue glow, alerting me to Fievel’s text message I had not bothered reading. My emotions existed in a dormant state. I could not afford to break down, at least not today, preferably nevermore.

“Ya know, I’m not happy with this either, Aitzin. I don’t have to tell you who the person in my heart is, because you know who. We’re from different cultures; it’s my duty to pass on the family name, even if it means being with a woman that doesn’t fulfill me.”

I clutched at my chest, feeling that familiar, haunting heartache, remembering Fievel’s pained smile, forced and unnatural. His quivering eyes and ever so slightly shaking voice, uttering words he truly did not want to say.

“But hey…you’ll always be my best bro, ahaha!”

Clenching my fist, with the little will I had left, I suppressed my emotions. Now was not the time to face them. I should be proud of my achievements, receiving my Master’s degree in psychology 2 years earlier due to my accelerated program. At this point, my career was all I had left, all I had to look forward to now.

Knock knock knock knock

Small knocking could be heard from my dorm’s door, slightly muffled as if the person were wearing gloves. The knock had startled me out of my thoughts. I knew it could not have been Fievel; he normally knocks much louder, and announces his presence behind the door. Sighing, I opened the door, greeted by a familiar, cat-like tail with a mushroom at the tip quickly moving out of my vision.

Reality and dreams have merged yet again. I was now beginning to suspect if my real body might have been comatose.

No matter; my new goal is chasing that tail. Casting manners to the wind, I chased after the tail’s owner, who was much faster than I, holding up my long graduation gown as a maiden would her dress. Though doing so allowed me to sprint faster, a human’s speed was no match for that of an Eno’s. Every corner I would turn, the Eno had already turned the other corner.

“Please wait!” I called out, my weak voice echoing throughout the spacious corridors. There were conveniently no onlookers in my path, increasing my feelings of isolation. Briefly glimpsing outside the windows, below I did not see any cars in the parking lot nor people gathered in clichés. This must have been a dream; there is no possible way the University could be this vacant. Even less likely with it being a Wednesday.

My Eno friend had not stopped running. They appeared to be on a mission, one I had not been given any details. Not even an inkling.

We were heading towards a dead end. To my surprise, the Eno stopped to smile at me.

“Good to see you again, Aitzin!” They said, before leaping into what I thought was a concrete wall. The illusionary wall rippled like water that had a stone casted in it. I quickly came to a halt, puzzled by the illusion. Slamming face first into the wall would have been quite painful; seeing if I could phase through the wall would be a much wiser, and hopefully painless, decision. Hoping there was nothing malicious on the other side that would find me delectable, I extended a hand, expecting to feel the cold hard wall against my palm. Instead, my hand penetrated the exterior exactly like water. My reflexes made me pull it out. Staring at the wall for a good few seconds, I held my breath, taking a step into the unknown.

There I was in a room surrounded by mirrors and enormous lilacs and roses blooming from the walls and ceiling, which were overtaken by thorny vines. The Eno still wandering further and further ahead of me.

“Can you please explain the meaning behind your haste?” I called out once more, receiving no answer. A tickling sensation prickled my spine, causing my body to shiver. In my peripheral vision, I caught a lilac reflection that was most certainly not my own. With no time to observe it properly, arms wrapped around me, attempting to desperately pull me into the mirror with it.  
I let out an embarrassing squeak, much like a mouse struggling to escape, trying to pull the delicate arms off my waist to no avail. Screaming in utter terror, I fell back into the mirror, seeing the room from the other side of it, until I fell unconscious.

☆☆☆

Groaning, I slowly regained consciousness, staring into a lavender sky, scattered in glowing stars. My legs felt like jelly indicating how out of shape my body truly was. I forced myself to stand up, shaking and stumbling slightly until I could stabilize myself.

Moments ago, I was preparing for my graduation ceremony, a heavy melancholy filling my aching heart, dulling any joy I could have felt. The next, I was in a peculiar world with white dandelions reminiscent of a rabbit’s pelt towering above me. The ground appeared to be snow at first, until I bent down to grab a handful, noticing it had felt soft and oddly warm. Was this truly snow at all, or simply an illusion? Am I truly seeing a strawberry planet in the sky right now? Is my sanity draining gradually as time progresses? I would not be surprised if so; my situation with Fievel has been taking a toll on my mental health.

No matter; I knew the situation at hand was dire. My mind was spinning like a broken recorder set to loop. The only logical conclusion I can surmise is that I must be having a peculiarly vivid dream, even more so than another dream I had some time ago, that I admittedly enjoyed immensely, much to my embarrassment. Blood began rising in my face at the thought; not allowing my thoughts to progress any further than they already have, I shooed them away. Sighing, I decided that exploring this land would be a better option than leaving myself vulnerable to whatever maleficent creature possibly lurking here.

“But where should I begin?” I asked myself aloud, a habit I have recently picked up from my best friend Fievel. The warm snow crunched beneath my shoes with every step I took, adding to my anxiety. My first instinct was to head towards the buildings far away from me, some of which were hidden by a sparkling, foggy blanket.

That was when I felt something cold penetrating the tightly knit fabric of my velvet jacket, a coldness that made my bones quiver. An anchor felt like it had dropped in my stomach, realizing the source had to have been from a humanoid’s hand. My legs were barely trying to hold my body up. Disobeying my instincts, I turned around, possibly the most regrettable action I had taken in an unfamiliar dream setting as vivid as real life.

My eyes caught a glimpse of a pastel pink face, a similar shade to strawberry ice cream, looking back at me, a single bleeding eye presumably staring directly at me, “complemented” by the sharpest teeth I had ever seen on anything. Half of the being’s face was concealed by curly, chocolate hair, casting a shadow like a waning moon. I could see something glowing underneath the hair; what it was, my primal instincts did not even wish to guess. My body had frozen into place, locked into this timeless moment, only broken by a somewhat high-pitched, monotone voice, lacking any inkling of emotion.

“Greetings.” Was all the spectre could say before my lips let loose the most feminine shriek my vocal chords could produce. I had been so terrified, I did not notice the smaller, ghastly feline weaving between the gap my legs formed, clearly enjoying itself. At that point, I could not resist the urge to sprint somewhere, anywhere, but here, staring at whatever that was. Where I was going did not matter to my cortisol filled brain. I pushed my fragile body to its limits, wandering further and further into this foreign land, no convenient exit in sight, no Fievel to protect me from this nightmare.  
  


☆☆☆

Navigating this location proved to be a challenge. Wherever I was now appeared drastically different from where I was previously. The scenery resembled a landscape from a surreal painter, the lush flora a pleasing lavender with some hints of gold and subtle dots of cherry from the flowers, rather than natural green hues. The trees and bushes looked quite fluffy, almost like clouds; I wondered if those were truly leaves or clouds? A bluish river ran through here, swirling with magenta, as if the painter who made the scenery dipped their brush in it. Tea cups were floating down it, large enough to hold two people. Smaller water bodies were also up head, a couple of pastel colored carnival tents as well, light purple with light blue stripes. Whoever designed this water themed amusement park, made use of the trees to crave water rides with them.

Exhausted from my run, I decided it would be safe enough to regain my stamina here. Perhaps I could read a little and meditate here? Forget about everything troubling me, even if it was temporary relief.

I seated myself, leaning against a tree, feeling the tension release in my legs. I removed a book from my messenger bag, flipping the pages until I reached the bookmark. Even in a place like this, it was always nice indulging in a good book, or so I thought. My body instantly tensed hearing someone yawn from the nearby bush. Emerging from it, I saw a tall grey wolf, long fur covering his face partially. Startled, I instinctively snapped my book shut, whacking the canine straight in the nose in admittedly, what was not truly self-defense.

“Ack! You motherfucking-” The wolf snarled at me, his golden eye giving me quite the death glare.

Oh, would you look at the time? Time to be anywhere but here! I nervously giggled, apologetically giving the angry canine a wave before carrying on.

“Get back here! I’ll tear you AND your book into PIECES!”

Politeness did not work wonders all the time. Legs, please do not give up on me now.  
I picked up the pace, my legs screaming at me in objection, but I had no other choice. The Wolf was of course, much faster than I, and caught up to me, pinning me to the ground in a flash. I winced, expecting the worst to happen, hoping the dream would end before the claw shreds through me.

…

…

The claw never came. The weight upon me lifted. A winged mouse humanoid of ambiguous gender, the size of a young child, levitated the wolf with a simple wave of the finger. Their most interesting feature was their hat, resembling a mixture between a top hat and a tea kettle. A trail of sparkling steam the color of cotton candy dreams coming from its spout.

“This will cease at once, troublesome wolf. Be polite to the mirror half; he is my tea party guest.” The mouse-eared humanoid spoke, their voice ambiguous. The wolf grumbled, crossing his arms, storming off the moment the mouse set him down.

Relieved, my legs gave out from underneath me. “Thank you for your help. I do apologize for my unprofessional behavior.” I said to the mouse, looking them in the ey-erm, mask, that had an eye symbol plastered on it, mysteriously able to emote.

“Professionalism exists solely to impress those with superficial standards. There is no need to be professional around me. Behave with me as you would a friendly companion.” They responded, setting themselves on the ground gracefully.

“You must have many questions about Lucid Amusement Park, hm?”

Many questions indeed, I did have. What were the Enos? Why am I here? What did they mean about me being a “mirror half”? Who was the spectre I met moments ago?

“The Enos guide people to what their heart desires most, or what they need the most. They are natural inhabitants here in Lucid Amusement Park, though they are suspected to exist all throughout the Cosmic Collective Consciousness. Yours specifically comes from Carnaval A La Mode, Bubble Tea Mistress’s domain, the mischievous spectre you first encountered. Rest assured she is no threat at all; she takes pleasure in tormenting and teasing others for her own amusement. You are a mirror half of Alisa Pleasance, also known as ‘The Lilac Beauty’.”

No words were necessary. The being had read my mind as I did books. Their explanation was mostly clear and concise.

“I still do not know why I am here though, and by mirror half, do you mean the girl and I are one and the same? Ah, how rude…I never asked for your name. Gentleperson, who might you be?” I criticized myself for forgetting my manners.

“The Brewer Mouse,”-The eye on their mask slowly shut-“This is my nature themed carnival, Dreamful Cascade. Known for its romanticized aura. Here you may encounter your past lives or alternate timelines. Rides here are fairytale themed, feel free to help yourself to any of them if you desire, after you finish your important business. We also have some psychics here if you would like a reading. As for why you are here…”-The eye opened-“You know the answer to that, Aitzin Liddell.”

Pressing between my brow, I could feel a headache coming on. This dream was lasting longer than I wanted it to. How much did The Brewer Mouse know about me?

“Come and join me for tea, would you please?” The Brewer Mouse waved a finger, lifting me off the ground with ease. No complaints left my lips; I was simply happy to be off them, and some tea sounded quite lovely right now.

“This way, gentleman.”

They took me into the skies. Though nervous, I fully absorbed the beautiful sight, one I may not see again. They led me to what I could only describe as a multi-colored cloud garden in the sky, pink, blue, and purple delights. The cloud trees bearing fruit I had never seen before, heart-shaped, spiky, and the color of lilac flowers. Lilac, that has been a repeating theme. The Lilac Beauty, Alisa Pleasance, must have been the girl I saw in the mirror. I question the belief in mirror halves, honestly it seems to be too romantic and idealistic. There is one thing I am certain about however.

I must see her again.  
I will see her again.  
The Lilac Beauty, Alisa Pleasance.

The tea party set up included a mushroom table with a few mushroom chairs surrounding it. I was gently placed on a mushroom, settled down like a little girl would seat her dolls. The Brewer Mouse sat themselves down. Some teaware mysteriously materialized into existence: tea cups, a teapot, a sugar pot, plates with various desserts, all strawberry-themed and matching the patterns on The Brewer Mouse’s clothes. The tea smelled like ripe strawberries, even.

An invisible force manipulated by The Brewer Mouse poured me a cup, handing it over to me. I took it carefully. It was neither too hot nor too cold; just right it was. Then the force poured the Brewer Mouse a cup.

“How do you like it?” They asked me, while I was in the middle of taking a sip. Not wanting to talk with liquid in my mouth, I placed a hand on my lips, then swallowed.

“Quite pleasant. Strawberry tea is a favorite of mine.” I took another sip, savoring the delicate sweetness. Having my senses was not entirely a curse in this dream.

“It is Alisa’s favorite as well. I imagine you both are similar in many other ways.”-They begin counting with their fingers-“Let us see: same taste in tea, same personality traits, same interests, both in love with a lad they cannot have-”

The shock made me inhale tea into my windpipe. Excusing myself, I proceeded to cough into my handkerchief violently for a few minutes, until I was completely sure the tea was completely out.

“E-Excuse me, gentleperson, that is sensitive information-“ I tried not to sink in my chair.

“Oh dear, I do apologize. I mentioned it because, ah, poor Alisa is burdened by the marriage.  
We are concerned about it. Considering you both are going through the same unpleasant reality, perhaps you, her counterpart, will be able to comfort her better than us Hatters can”-They took a moment to sip their tea-“Perhaps she will be able to comfort you, as well.”

The tea cup in my hand shook slightly, having been reminded of what has been consuming me. Fievel’s upcoming marriage. His culture keeping us from being a union. The pained smile plastered on his face.

“But hey…you’ll always be my best bro, ahaha!”

My eyes began watering. My shaking growing worse with each word the Brewer Mouse spoke.

“You see, the best type of love, is already within you. A difficult lesson for you both to learn, but a necessary one. Relationships with others may come and go. You will be with yourself, for many lifetimes. For eternity.”-The Brewer Mouse held onto my hand from across the table, the sudden touch making me flinch. Their hand was slightly warm, comforting somehow despite their words tearing through me-“It is ultimately your choice. We simply recommend you go find Alisa, for not only her sake, yours as well.”

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale…exhale. Keep your composure, Aitzin Liddell. Inhale…I stood up from my mushroom chair…exhale. My heart rate returned to its normal pace. Be still, my heart.

“Where is Alisa Pleasance?” I asked the Brewer Mouse. My skepticism did not matter; my unique skill ever since I was a child had always been counseling others. I shall treat her as my patient, and perhaps even a friend.

“Where do you think she is?” The Brewer Mouse turned my question back at me. “Technically, she is always with you, for you are mirror halves. Rely on your senses to find her form. Do tell me, tell me, where Alisa is? Aitzin, you must rely on your intuition more often, especially in Lucid Amusement Park.”

“My intuition?” Their speech made my overthinking worse than it already was.

“Do not overthink it. Overthinking is an addiction one must learn to tame, one even I, am guilty for. Feel it, Aitzin, where is your Alisa? The Alisa to your Aitzin? The Pleasance to your Liddell?”

For some reason, I became mildly flustered. The use of “your”, in reference to this girl, I could not explain how it made me feel.

“You know where she is.” Brewer smiled, making a right pointing gesture with their hand. “Now go and find her. The tea party will be here for whenever you decide to visit again.” What felt like a hand on my back shoved me in the direction they were pointing. I assumed this was Brewer giving me a subtle hint where to go. Giving a nervous smile, I bowed: “Thank you for the tea party, Brewer Mouse, may we meet again.” I stumbled off, nearly tripping on my own two feet. In this land, they seemed to be the most trustworthy fellow. Maybe following my intuition would prove to be useful? Not like I had a compass with me.

“Ah, one moment.” Brewer stopped me, flying in front of me with a crimson, frilly umbrella. The design a rose pattern, a favorite of mine. I took it, wondering exactly how much this cost. Did currency even exist here?

“You will need this if you wish to float safely down. ‘Dying’ here will reset you back to the beginning, and I am positive you would not want that for multiple reasons. With that, do take care, Aitzin.”

Steam from their spout surrounded them. They vanished in a pink puff, leaving me alone. I looked at the umbrella, then looked down, which I should not have done because my head began spinning. This would be quite a nasty fall, I hoped the umbrella would be enough to carry me down safely. Opening it, I took a leap, holding onto it for dear life. To my surprise, the umbrella carried me safely down. To it, I was as light as a feather. Trusting Brewer was indeed the best decision I had made thus far.

When my feet landed, the scenery around me warped in front of my very eyes. The painted appearance of Dreamful Cascade, changed into a melancholic blue landscape, that reminded me of a checkerboard game. Black, towering chess pieces were scattering the land, the horsemen chess piece above me had bleeding eyes, dripping what appeared to be crimson red liquid I hoped was ink. I could see some tents not too far away from me, some of which were selling terrifying souvenirs I did not quite want to explain. There was a crystalline maze not too far from where I was standing, a haunted house of mirrors, and a carousel with animals hanging from nooses replacing typical horses. A siren poked her head out from a chameleon fountain pouring what I hoped was anything but blood; getting too close to her would likely be a fatalistic experience.

How unfortunate that I landed in such a terrifying place, jarringly different from the Brewer Mouse’s calming domain.

I heard the light pitter patter of rain falling on my umbrella, which quickly turned into a heavy storm. Strange, there were no indicators in the skies forecasting inclement weather. That was when I noticed a small cloud had formed above my umbrella. Confused by the ordeal, I turned around, seeing if I could find a way out of this place before -

Excuse me, what was that offensive odor? Sulfur, how repulsive! I scanned the bottom of my shoes, worried I had stepped on something rotten, or worse. A sense of dread, lingered over me, only intensifying. The rain above me had stopped in sync with the growing dread, and my eyes met with a lanky shadow figure staring down at me the moment I had closed my umbrella, its eyes sunset colored. I could only make out what appeared to be a rook chess piece top hat on its head. My mouth agape in a silent scream, I began sprinting yet again, as far as my well-rested legs would take me.

“Lad, is running all you know how to do?!” A stentorian, somewhat unstable voice bellowed out to me. “Would you ever so kindly, wait one moment? That’s an order! No really, stop running-STOP! I don’t want to enter HER domain!”

The shadow darted after me, freezing in place sporadically. This gave me some time to outrun it before it could do heaven knows what to me. The voice spouted indecipherable banter the moment I stepped foot on vanilla ice cream terrain, fading further and further away until I could no longer hear it anymore. Regardless, I kept running, apologizing to the small maid wearing a cake hat and dress I had nearly crashed into, who had been performing magic on various foods. The rides were partially taken over by nature, or what qualified as nature to a dessert land, yet functioned normally, with invisible passengers inside. I briefly noticed pastel yellow and pastel blue striped tents, including a large big top one. This park looked like an enormous candy land bustling with activity while also appearing quite lonesome.

I kept running

…

And running

…

And running

…

Until I found a building to cower inside, hopefully undisturbed. Some peace at last. Completely casting my manners to the wind, I opened the door without knocking, the bell chiming, then slammed it behind me. My body sinking down as I held my back against it, knees trembling.

“Hey are you alright?” A hoof touched my leg, prompting me to scream upon contact. I opened my eyes, looking down at a pink unicorn, standing straight on her two hooves. Her light blue curls tied at the end by frilly hair ties. She looked exactly like a sprinkled cake pop, a sad one. Her face contorted at me. Guilt proceeded to nibble at me, realizing my cowardly self screamed at what was only a child.

“Oh dear, oh dear, please d-don’t cry!” I awkwardly waved my hands at her, fingers splayed. I could feel that my body was clammy from sweat. My hair, a complete wreck. A shower, I definitely needed. I hoped my first impression as a disgusting stranger, would not be the most remembered.

Her facial contortions worsened along with my guilt. She began sobbing heavily.

“N-No, this won’t do!” I took out my handkerchief, bending down to wipe away the child’s tears. “I-I’m sorry please don’t cry anymore!” Her sugary tears made my handkerchief sticky.

Just like that, she stopped. “Okay!” She said in a chipper voice, as if she had not been crying seconds ago. I watched her skip towards a counter, on it, a tray of freshly baked cupcakes, some frosted and plain.

“Don’t mind my sibling,” A low, softly spoken unicorn said. “My twin sibling can be a little sensitive.”

They did indeed resemble one another slightly, both with curly manes, only the gentler sister was cream colored. Her hair milk-colored, sprinkled with rainbow jimmies. Her curls were in two pony tails, wrapped up by rainbow colored elastics, matching the ones on her wrists, and her pretty necklace. The way she pranced was elegant; she was like a ballerina dancing on a stage, a contrast to her sister’s energetic skips. Both children were undeniably precious.

Regaining a straight posture, I cleared my throat: “No worries, I gave her quite a scare-“ I returned my tear stained handkerchief back to its rightful place in my pocket. I extended a hand out to the unicorn, bending my knees slightly for her to reach. “Aitzin, Aitzin Liddell.” She placed her hoof into my hand, and I shook it.

“Nice to meet you. My name is Melena, over there.”-She pointed with her hoof at the other unicorn- “Is my sister Selena. We’re the Cakie twins!”-She returned her hoof back to her side, giving me a serene smile.-”You’re quite a gentleman. Our mother would have loved you.”

The statement flattered me, I bowed to show my appreciation towards Selena, who returned it with a curtsy. I never considered myself to be good with children.

“May we get you anything? A dessert or two?” She asked. Then I noticed the name on the wall, above the counter Selena was working at. Lilac Bakery.

“Is this Alisa’s bakery?” I asked, taking my eyes off the wall to look back at Melena.  
She nodded at me, her gaze shifting to the side.

“Yes. She isn’t feeling her best in this dream.” Her voice was tinged with sorrow. “She hasn’t been in her bakery lately. Me and Selena promised we would take over until she feels well, however many dreams that takes.”

Flashbacks of the Brewer Mouse’s words resonated within my head.

“Both in love with a lad they cannot have.”

“Poor Alisa is burdened by the marriage. We are concerned about it. Considering you both are going through the same unpleasant reality, perhaps you, her counterpart, will be able to comfort her better than us Hatters can.”

I can feel her suffering. She must not be far away now.

“Dreams?” I inquired, moving my hair away from my face.

“Lucid Amusement Park doesn’t have time like the waking world,” She explained. “We replace ‘time’ with ‘dream’. Some things here in Lucid Amusement Park are consistent; others may change in different dreams. I understand how confusing this may be, to someone new to LAP. I’m sure you’ll grow used to it, the more you visit!”

So anything is possible here. Note taken.

“Do you know where Alisa’s home lies?” No matter how much further I had to walk, I had to do this for her sake.

“Yes, we live with her!” Selena interrupted her sister, who closed her mouth, patiently waiting for her sister to finish speaking. “It’s a mansion in Centerfort, you know, the place with dandelion trees! Lilac and white, looks like a dollhouse! Can’t miss it! A new room recently appeared in it!” She suddenly gasps, skipping towards me. I winced inside noticing she had almost tripped; fortunately, she did not.

“Does that mean you’re moving in with us!?” Her eyes were lively. Twinkling, even.

“Wait-” I was interrupted by neighing.

“You MUST be! Sis, we gotta get some welcoming presents!”

The little one was skipping everywhere. I winced every time she seemed close to tripping on something. It was difficult for me to watch.

“It seems you have already received one welcome present. Your umbrella fits you perfectly.” Melena giggled. “And it matches the one Alisa has, only it’s lilac. You must indeed be the other half the Hatters have briefly discussed.”

I held my umbrella in both hands, looking down at it, still wet.

“I honestly, still do not know what that means-” Speaking aloud to myself was a habit I needed to break at some point.

“Why should it matter?” The energetic unicorn, with her darling striped horn, chanted her head to the side. “Labels are for cookie jars, so who cares! What matters is you’ll make great friends!” Her sibling nodded. “Exactly, sis.” She responded. These children were wise beyond their years, exactly how I was when I was their age.

“Ah yes, you do have a point-“ I pushed my falling glasses against my nose. “Is there a more convenient way of traveling here? Though I do not mind walking there if needed, I am growing quite tired of wandering on foot.”

The cheery twin giggled at my question. “Of course, silly! A teleportation pocket exists next to the ice cream lamp outside! We had to label it, because people would accidentally trigger it! These pockets are invisible! Pretty cool, right?”

Explains exactly how I went from Dreamful Cascade to that other park. Now that my rational thinking has returned, I believe the sign for it said, “Twisted Melancholy”. Fitting name for an equally unpleasant and depressing place.

“Yes, yes, ‘cool’ indeed…depending on where it takes you.”

“Bad experience already?”

My voice quivered, audibly swallowing, remembering the shadow I had met there. “Y-Yes…”  
It would feel silly asking for two children to guide a grown adult like myself outside, as much as I wanted to.

“Alright then. I will be taking my leave, dear children.” The door opened with a small click. The bell rang above. “You two have a wonderful da-ah, dream.”

They waved at me, wishing me luck on my journey. The “lamp” was indeed not too far away from me, only being 6 feet apart from where I stood. I walked up to it, unintentionally stepping on the mysterious teleportation pocket. The scene around me melted in front of my eyes, and suddenly, I was standing before a Victorian-esque mansion, back in the warm winter wonderland.

I walked up the steps, each wooden plank producing a creak from my weight. Before I could knock, the door greeted me, opening by itself. Not quite knowing what else to do, I crept inside, feeling uncomfortable having walked into the home of strangers.

“Hello…?” My voice echoed throughout the foyer.

“Take off your shoes before entering the foyer.”

A disembodied strict, feminine voice lectured me, for breaking basic home etiquette. Embarrassed, I removed my shoes. “I do apologize. My manners are normally better than this-“

An invisible force took my shoes away. I could see them dancing in the air, heading towards an open closest, expensive coats and shoes neatly stored away. My shoes joined the others in the line, then, the door shut, careful not to slam.

“You are permitted to go wherever you wish. Enjoy your stay.” The voice faded into oblivion. Looking around, I could not find the owner of said voice.

Carrying on, I head left, passing through a dining room, into the kitchen. There was a door leading out to a garden. Perhaps Ailsa could be here? The magnet pulling sensation within my chest grew stronger. She must have been here. Taking a breath, I opened the garden door. The perspective completely changed to an insect’s point of view. The roses, daffodils, lilacs, and lilies towered over me like oak trees. The roses were giggling at something. Were they giggling at me?

“Oh would you look at this cutie, teehee!” A rose chittered at me, bending down to pick me up, a little too quickly; the sudden movement made my head spin. “She looks almost like Alisa, doesn’t she? What an ambiguous form! Is she even a she, or a he, or neither of these?  
Look at those darling, honey hazel eyes too!” My cheeks reddened, her vines wandering much too close to my belt. “Say, what does this doll look like underneath these restrictive garments?” I covered my face, hearing my belt being undone, feeling my pants slide down my legs, along with my knickers. Kicking my legs, I angrily demanded to be released.

“Are you sure we should do this?” A lily asked, pressing her leaves together. “The doll doesn’t seem to like this…”

The rose waved a leaf at her. “Oh please, dolls get undressed all the time, and this one needs a bath!” She pointed at my…private feature, laughing at it. The nerve. “Awww, look! They’ve got a little twig and fruits!” I turned my head away, furious at the infantilized way the rose referred to me.

“Stop it! You can’t do this! This is improper!” I managed to cry out, struggling to escape those pesky vines undoing my coat and slipping off my undershirt. It was no use; I was stripped down to bare, even my glasses were taken from me.

A lilac sprayed the rose holding me with a bottle. Whatever it was, the rose did not appreciate the gesture, her scream shrill and brittle, nearly piercing my eardrums. I slipped from her vines, falling to my doom, saved by another pair of vines from the lilac who defended my dignity, before I reached the ground.

“You have no lick of shame, do you?” She held me tight enough to keep her grip and to not crush my ribs. “I do apologize on her behalf. Roses can be too…excitable when it comes to anatomy. Do enjoy your bath, dearie. I’ll wash your clothes for you.”

A bath did seem lovely. Feeling filthy any longer would drive me bonkers. These were only sentient flowers; I should not feel too ashamed being nude around them. The lilac placed me in a bubbly outdoor bath, surrounded by large grass blades. A watering can was the source, showering warm water into the bath. How is this possible? My logical mind asked. Questioning dream logic after all I had been through thus far, made no sense.

I stood underneath the water can, using it as a shower head, lathering my hair and body. It had been awhile since I spoiled myself with a bath, years even. The water cleansed away my burdensome thoughts.

“The water feels great, does it not?”

Clasping my mouth shut to keep a shriek from escaping, I hid my chest underneath the water, wishing I could go completely under. The familiar voice belonged to the Brewer Mouse, who was completely nude except for their mask. Their buoyant, shiny golden locks and soft lavender skin appearing vibrant, they must have taken excellent care of themselves.

“Ah right, you humans treat nudity as if it is a shameful thing. As for myself, I find bodies of all kinds to be beautiful forms,” They said, while lathering their hair. “You may wish to get used to this while you are here.”

Bathing with a stranger I had recently met not too long ago, made me feel a unique vulnerability. The Brewer Mouse lacked judgement concerning another’s form, a rare trait not often found in my society; to them, this was a normal experience. Something about this situation, set my mind at ease somehow over the culture shock, and I gained enough willpower to stand up, confidence wavering. Exposing my hairless chest, devoid of any muscular definition.

“Are you sure you’re in the right locker room?”

“You’re pretty girly for a guy.”

“What a crybaby! Real men don’t cry.”

“Think he takes it up the ass at night? Bet he does! Must moan like a woman too!”

Aggression disguised as playful jest, the most venomous mask humor wore. My fellow classmates respected me in the classrooms, spitting at my name in some sick choir in the changing rooms. Whenever I dared speak against them, they would tell I was much too sensitive, and to “lighten up”. No one would defend me, all except for one.

“You motherfuckers leave him alone before I smash your heads into these lockers, ya hear me?!”

The men had stopped tormenting me, some hastily taking their leave, others grumbling under their breath.

“Hey man, don’t listen to those assholes. You were given the body you were born with, besides ya got four to five years to develop more. Fuck hyper-masculinity; hasn’t done those blowjobs any good so far.”

“But...what if my body stays like this?”

The stranger, who would become my closest friend, flashed me a bright smile.

“You’d still be great, just like ya are!”

He made me feel more positively about myself.

But do I really need someone else...

To finally love who I am?

Splash

Someone else entered the bath, the girl I had been looking for this whole time. Lilac hair trailing behind her like a bride’s veil, completely covering her back. Her dulcet tone, touched by sadness, hummed a familiar melody, auditory candy to my ears. The thought to wander closer drifted through my mind, not wishing to startle her with sudden movement.

Feeling my eyes staring at her, she turned around, those sweet mulberry eyes meeting my golden hazel once more. Resisting the temptation to stare any lower, I turned away, remembering what I was taught when dealing with fair ladies. She knew neither my name nor intentions; the last thing I wanted was to be viewed as perverse by someone who required my assistance.

I swiftly turned around, hiding my chest, staring down at my feet through the pure water, rippling at having been disturbed. The thought to leave, conflicted with not wanting my body to fully be seen in all its…well I cannot say ‘glory’. My grandmother’s words resonated in my head as if to warn me. She always told me, a gentleman shall only see the nude body of a woman who is his beloved, preferably on the wedding night.

Behind me, I could hear swishing and swooshing growing louder. Anticipating contact, I braced myself, feeling silky arms gently wrap themselves around my chest. A floral scent mixed with icing filled the air, an interesting combination. Dear grandmother, I hope you will understand my circumstances.

“You’re here at last.” Her silvery voice like a songbird’s lullaby rang through my ears, putting my anxiety to sleep instantly. Our bare bodies this close together, was not a bother to her.

I wanted this moment to last forever.

“Do you mind helping me brush my hair?” She asked, handing me a brush that somehow materialized out of thin air. Her eyes pleaded.

“N-Not at all-“ I stuttered. If she is indeed my other half, then perhaps I should not make this more awkward than it needs to be. We both stepped out of the bath, her back facing towards me. Her hair was indeed very well kept, the brush not snagging even once. It glided in between her strands without even a little resistance, unusually satisfying. She continued humming her song, this time, happily. I was not nearly as confident with my voice, but the temptation to hum along with her was too much to resist. This unusual bonding moment, I was sure to never forget.

Wait, where did Brewer Mouse go? I turned my head all around me, until I spotted the familiar figure, dressed, painting on an easel.

“Proceed with your bonding, if you please.”-They dipped their brush into some paint-“I am simply capturing the moment in watercolor.” They said, not taking their eye off their painting, carefully considering each stroke. My face reddened, questions bubbling in my mind.

“They do that a lot,” Alisa told me, her voice unchanged. “Pay them no mind; they log all members in Lucid Amusement Park, in the Memory Gallery.”

A Memory Gallery? Seems I still have much more to learn about these unusual lands.

A sudden gasp broke me out of my thoughts. Alisa’s gaze turned towards the bath, prompting me and even the Brewer Mouse to do the same. Black ink dispersing through the once crystal clear water.

“Oh dear-“ Was all the Brewer Mouse could say before glistening, slimy arms emerged from the bath, heading towards me and Alisa.

“Aitzin, watch out! Nightmare!” Alisa shouted, grabbing my hand which had dropped the brush. The Brewer Mouse attempted to contain the hands with a large energetic, pink force shield, formed with their hat’s steam. With both sides pushing and pulling, the shield began to slowly crack.

“Aitzin, Alisa, keep running! I am not sure how long I can hold them off!” The Brewer Mouse’s normally collected voice, now dire and urgent.

Smash

The force field had been broken, the shards scattered everywhere; the poor mouse was flung to the dirt. Still hand in hand, both me and Alisa were swiftly grabbed, fighting to break free, screaming for help.

“No…Aitzin, Alisa! Hold on, I will alert the other Hatters!”

Closing my eyes to prepare for the dive, I held onto Alisa’s hand harder. Together, we plunged into the depths with a splash, black ink drowning our vision.

☆☆☆

“Brewer, what happened? The Announcer and I sensed an abnormal presence.” Bubble Tea Mistress asked in her usual monotonous voice.

“The mirror souls were dragged into the bath.” The Brewer Mouse’s ears drooped. “I tried to stop them. Those dreadful hands somehow shattered my force field.”

The Announcer observed the black bath, nose wrinkling. “Disgusting! Abhorrent! Who would pollute a perfectly pure bath like this? And why?! What is this ink?!”

Bubble Tea Mistress yanked The Announcer’s tail.

“AHAHAHA, OUCH! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” The chameleon screamed, rubbing the sore base of his tail while mumbling insults under his breath.

“Focus on the task at hand, Announcer. Our Alices are were taken by a Nightmare.” She lightly stroked Brewer Mouse on the back, a rare act of genuine comfort from the stoic mistress indeed. “You tried, Brewer, there is no sense dwelling on what has happened. This is a battle these two will have to face on their own. We may be their guardians; however, we cannot hold their hands forever. They will be fine.”

The two other hatters exchanged glances, then looked back at Bubble Tea Mistress.

“Well alright, we trust your judgement, mistress.” The Brewer Mouse broke the small silence.

“I do not!”

“Announcer-“ The Brewer Mouse waved a finger at the chameleon. “Tsk, tsk.”

“AHAHAHA, ALRIGHT FINE!”

He crossed his arms, turning away from his fellow hatters with a grimace, Bubble Tea Mistress smiling at him mockingly.

“We will hold down the fort for now, to ensure nightmarish influences do not try anything with our visitors. As you all know, nightmares often do not stay in one place. Prepare yourselves Hatters.”

☆☆☆

Submerged in nothing but ink, we held onto one another tightly. Refusing to loosen.  
After having found you, I refused to let you go.


	3. A Nightmare Painted in Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have entered a nightmarish plane. No exit in sight, we are trapped with our worst fears.

**A Nightmare Painted in Ink**

We tumbled clumsily out of a tub, the blackened water bubbling like a boiling witch’s cauldron, finding ourselves on cold tile. Neither of us hurt in any way. The bathroom’s dimmed lighting made ordinary everyday objects seem like they were from another dimension. Having a mind that loved playing tricks did not aid our situation, seeing what I thought were humanoid figures staring down at us. Panicking, I stood up, blood rushing through my head, nearly stumbling backwards. I helped Alisa stand up, holding her close to me, our bare skin touching together, which would have set my face ablaze under normal circumstances.

“Aitzin, it’s just a bathrobe and gown. There’s no need to shriek.” Alisa said in a casual tone.  
Though seemingly calmer than my cowardly self, her heartbeat did not lie. The claws of fear have stricken her, as well.

“O-Oh, thank goodness.” I sighed, partially relieved, partially exasperated, slapping a hand to my face. I did not quite fit the role of a heroic protagonist in this, no matter how hard I tried.

“At least we have something to wear while we explore this dreadful place.” Alisa unhooked the bathrobe, passing it to me. She had already dressed herself in the gown. “Strange, this looks like the mansion, only with a more sinister vibe. Think it may be haunted?”

My bones quivered from underneath my flesh. Holding onto false hope that the mansion back in Lucid Amusement Park had the same layout, I hoped Alisa would guide us to safety.

I fastened the bathrobe’s rope around my waist, tying it into a bow. “I do hope not. We should stay close together in case anything happens.” She wrapped her arm around mine, gesturing me to the door, hasty to leave this place.

Soon enough, we were back at the foyer, where I first started. We found some familiar figures there, the two unicorn sisters, an enormous paranormal wolf or shuck, and the man who made my heart rush. The spiky cyan hair, toned figure, and absurd way he wore his coat. Fievel. Fievel was here. A sight I simultaneously wanted to see, and wanted to run from. My legs grew weak.

“Crimson?” Alisa whispered in surprise, walking up to the wolf with her arm still in mine. “How did you end up here?”

The Crimson Shuck gazed down at her, forcing a nervous smile. “I have no idea, but I don’t like it here Alisa! Place is giving me the creeps!” His furry body shuddered, his eyes shifting side to side. “Hoping we can find a way out soon, especially for the little ones’ sakes!”

The unicorn twins were huddled together, shaking; Fievel leaned down to tell them: “Don’t leave my sight, okay?” to which they responded with nodding heads.

“Maybe we can go down the corridor of the left wing?” Alisa suggested.

“Isn’t left sinister?” Crimson chimed in, whimpering. “I mean, we gotta do what we gotta do, but right seems like a safer option!”

“We’re going where I say,” Alisa nearly cut the Crimson Shuck off. “I know this place better than anyone else does, other than the twins, and we’re not expecting them to guide us. Let’s hurry.”

No one wanted to argue with Alisa. She did not seem receptive to any objections, and she was the most logical guide.

The group followed us from behind up the staircase, the steps moaning and creaking, echoing throughout the foyer. Fievel was in my peripheral vision, his expression solemn. His hand shook, steadily making its way towards mine. Remembering this man was to be wedded, I pulled mine away, my heart aching. I had wanted that hand, the hand that belonged to his wife.

“Aitzin…”

His saddened whisper, called my name. My heart took a plunge.

I kept my gaze forward, focusing on the urgent task: finding a way out of this nightmare. Emotions overwhelming me, festering wounds, that I once again had to swallow.

Fievel, I’m sorry. Infidelity is not the way.

I stared down at my feet, climbing up the ancient steps. Tension increasing.

☆☆☆

Walking down the corridor, there were many doors side by side. Our only light source, the chandeliers above, swinging, creaking, barely fixed to the ceiling. Unexplainable, possibly even eldritch sounds could be heard from the doors we passed. My palms were sweaty. My arms and legs grew heavy. Some unseen pressure forced me down, slowing my movement.

Crimson’s ears perked. Stopping in his tracks, he pressed his ear to a door.

“My wife…oh God I have to make sure she’s okay. I’m sorry guys. I’ll catch up later, promise.”

Alisa turned her head away at the word “wife”. Unrequited love, the most painful emotional poison. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, in hopes this would provide some solace.

“Uh, dude, I don’t think you should open that door.” Fievel said to Crimson, grasping his furry arm. “My gut is tellin’ me this is definitely a trap.”

The shuck’s persistence would allow him to back down, despite Fievel’s warnings. Even I had a visceral feeling this would not end how he wanted it to. He was struggling to open the door, glued shut by a golden orange substance leaking from the gaps.

“Crimson, please stop-“ Alisa managed to choke out. “You’ll only hurt yourself…” Her voice was drawn out thin.

“You guys gotta stop worrying so much! I’m a knight, a king now! I can handle anything that come-“ The door violently swung open, slamming against the wall. The paintings vibrated, one falling and shattering on the carpet.

In a flash, the large canine, along with Fievel, were grabbed by puppeteer strings. There lied a lonesome piano in the center of the room, adorned with teeth. A wraith, clawed hands disproportionate to the rest of her body, salivating mouth with teeth of daggers, a fiery, shaggy mane, skin the shade of rosin, was perched above it. Manipulating the strings, pulling the barking shuck and yelling man inside. Without hesitation, me, Alisa, and the twins grabbed ahold of them both.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Her bloodcurdling, guttural growl, scratchy, and piercing. The opposite of Alisa’s beautiful singing voice.

All four of us were flung into the wall, helplessly watching the door shut. The sounds, oh the horrid sounds. Clawing, scratching, pleads for help, creaking, scratching, mixed with suggestive vocalizations from the wraith. Both me and Alisa covered the twins’ ears, both crying in terror. The ungodly horror, being done to the gentlemen. My imagination did not wander any further. With a few more weak bangs, the horror show behind the door ceased.

“Crimson! Fievel!” Alisa broke into a heaving sob, pounding against the door with her fist as hard as she could. “Crimson, Fievel! Please answer! Are you both okay?!”

“Alisa…” I reached out to her. Hearing her voice, shout in such desperation. I could not bear to watch any longer. She sunk down to the floor like a ragdoll, crying into her hands.

“Why…why. Crimson why…? You’re too stubborn all the time…”

I crouched down, stroking her back as she cried, whilst keeping my eyes on the twins, who were still huddled together like little kittens.

“If only you had turned my way…if only we met first.” She said in between sobs. “Maybe things would’ve been different.”

I kneeled, placing a hand on Alisa’s shoulder. Her shoulders shuddering as she continued sobbing deeply.

“Alisa, I understand your pain,”I began, biting my bottom lip, searching for the right words. “Both our loved ones chose their respective paths. What is meant to be, will return, but if it is not, then it will not return.”

She abruptly stood up, causing me to fall backwards onto my posterior. Sprinting down the corridor, the shadows swallowed her.

“Oh dear…” I heard an aged voice say. Startled, I stood up too quickly, giving my head a rush.  
I leaned against a nearby wall.

Standing before me was a ghastly illusion of a winged gingerbread cookie person, wielding a peppermint cane, dressed in cheerful Christmas attire. Their bottom half was not visible; therefore, I could only see their pastel blue snowman shirt adorned with pompoms. They wore a cookie hat, the very top dipped in chocolate. A hastily drawn icing squiggle acting as their mouth gave them a permanent, anxious expression.

“She has been fixated on that boy, for much too long. I’m worried about her.” Their eyes shifted to the unicorn siblings, who were now standing, surprised by the hologram.

“Granny? Is that you…?” Melena’s voice was faint.

“Yes child, it’s me. I heard what had happened. I can’t stay long, I’m sorry. My magic-“

The illusion began to waver, the grandmother’s voice fading in and out with each malfunction.

“The nightmare is overwhelming it.”

The grandmother looked back at me. “Please take care of…the twins…and find Alisa. You must…stick together. In this dreadful place.”

The illusion corrupted, breaking into static before fully dissipating.

“I hope granny is okay…” Selena scrapped her hoof against the carpet.

“I believe she is,” I tried to reassure her. “She must still be in Lucid Amusement Park.”

I held out a hand to each twin. “Hold my-erm, let me hold onto your hooves. It is vital that we stick together while finding Alisa.”

They silently nodded, bringing their hooves to my hand. Holding onto their hooves, we walked down the corridor, occasionally being startled by an eye on the wall or a hand reaching out from underneath us.

☆☆☆

Recovering from my overwhelming emotions, I found myself taken away by an orchestral melody. Peeking into what appeared to be a grandiose glass stained ballroom, there were invisible people in suits and dresses dancing. The dresses twirling like umbrellas. The stained-glass windows told a story, recognizable figures sculpted in it. A few even had…me.

Curious and with caution, I walked further into the room, prompting the dancers and the melody to stop in sync. A spotlight from the ceiling flashed in my eyes. Squinting at the sudden brightness, there were three figures standing before me: a grey wolf, a larger crimson wolf, spiral patterned, and an androgynous fellow, hair the color of spring violets. All three were wearing suits: sunshine yellow, lily-white, rose red, and they each had a single rose in their hand. The Big Bad Wolf, the one who had hurt me, held a yellow rose, the petals falling one by one. The Crimson Shuck, who I thought would be the love of my life, held a blue rose. Aitzin, my mirror half, held a white rose. Overhead lights flashed down upon them as well, as they held their roses out to me. The spectacle made me oversee that my attire had mysteriously changed back to what I had originally worn.

Below their feet, large letters were written in ink: “C H O O S E”

My gaze fell on the first, The Big Bad Wolf, the middle, Aitzin, and lastly, the Crimson Shuck.  
All parts of me began fighting with one another. My brain, my heart, and my emotions, descended into chaos. Gazing at the blue rose as if I were a child desiring a lollipop, I found my fingers moving towards it seemingly on their own, stopping once they grazed a thorn, thrusting forward to stab me. My arm flinched back, my pricked finger leaking crimson. The small wound was deceptive; a river of blood leaked from my wedding finger, the blood arranging itself into letters on the floor.

“A R E Y O U S U R E ?”

The wound was burning too intensely. I looked at my hand, gasping in horror. Small open wounds began forming in my palm, leaking more blood. It hurt too much. The Crimson Shuck had his head turned away from me, not taking notice of my pain. His gaze focusing on another, a cerulean blue dress; the arm waving to him. Adrenaline rushed through my veins. An unexplainable emotion brewed violently within me. The temptation to throw the enchanted rose to the floor and crush it with my foot grew, but I resisted.

“I think I’ve put myself through enough with you.” Bitter tinged my voice. I reached for the white rose Aitzin had been holding out, his gaze acknowledging me with sympathy and respect, unlike the other two. This rose had no thorns with it. My hand stopped bleeding, the wounds still gaping.

“I’ve made my choice.” I said, putting the rose in between my bow knot, hoping that it would be fastened tight enough to not fall off.

The spotlights flashed off with a loud click as the three fellows turned into slimy ink, leaving only black marks. Suddenly, the dresses bolted forward after me, screaming profane words and threats. Not wasting a second, I ran back into the corridors, determination filling me.

I had to find Aitzin and my twin siblings again. There was no time to waste.

☆☆☆

The twins and I found ourselves in a kitchen, pots and pans in the cabinets, stored away in a specific order. A kitchen island in the middle with various ingredients and foods atop, tempting to eat. A small part of me worried about the head chef finding us in here.

“I’m really hungry-“ Selena whined, rubbing her stomach.

“Selena, eating isn’t a requirement in dreams, so you can’t be hungry.” Melena responded.

“But the food looks really delicious, and this is a nightmare! Maybe, maybe, rules are a bit different here?”

It had only been a few seconds and Selena was already lifting herself up the island, her hooves kicking to and fro as she dangled like a Christmas ornament. With haste, I grabbed her sides, putting her back to the floor. I waved a finger at the little unicorn.

“Tsk, tsk. Selena, be a good little lady and keep your hooves away from the food. It does not belong to us.” Whispering to myself, I said: “I dread to know what may be lurking on or in the dishes here.”

“It’s not nice to reject food made for you.”

All three of us looked around the kitchen.

“W-Who said that?” Selena latched on to my leg.

“It wasn’t I.” Melena responded, also latching on to my leg.

My attire had changed throughout the journey on its own, something I failed to take note of until now. I would have been relieved to have my garments back, if I were not distracted by everything else.

Some gravitating chairs swept me and the twins off our feet, forcefully seating us. I held onto the bottom of my seat for dear life. Selena and Melena both cheered as if this were a rollercoaster ride. As for me, I did not share the sentiment.

We were seated at a dining table, surviving an absurdly large vanilla frosted cake, drizzled with chocolate, and decorated with ripe cherries. It was the only dish served.

“Oh boy, so we do get to eat!” I winced as Selena nearly tipped back in her seat, if it were not for me pushing her back, the poor girl would have fallen.

“S-Selena…” My voice drew out the A vowel.

“Sorry!” She flashed me an apologetic smile.

Some plates with cakes slices on them were presented to us by an invisible force. The two twins were amazed, as for I, hesitant.

“This cake reminds me of the one Crimmy brought one time for Alisa’s birthday!” Selena reminisced. “I hope Alisa is okay…” Her cheerful tone faltered slightly.

“Do not fret my child.” I said, stroking her lightly on the head. “We will find her even if it is the last thing I do.”

“Yeah Selena! The Hatters will step in if needed I’m sure. For now, let’s enjoy this cake, in remembrance of our dear sister Alisa’s birthday!”

“Ah, I apologize but I must object. Is this cake even safe for consumption?”

My answer was given in the form of forks scraping against plates. The two twins were thoroughly enjoying the cake, while I stared at my untouched piece. I had no desire for sweets, not in a setting like this, not with the thought of Alisa running down the corridor all alone. Children knew well how to distract themselves with trivial matters, unlike myself.

“Eat your cake.”

A fork with a cut of cake was shoved in my mouth without my consent, the delicate sweetness of vanilla and chocolate overwhelming my senses. Irritated, I snatched the fork from the invisible force, not caring that I had lost my manners for a moment. “I can eat this myself, thank you very much, madam, sir, or gentleperson.”

Sighing, I proceeded to eat my slice. Something about the flavor was nostalgic to me. Ah yes, I had eaten a cake like this before, a few birthdays ago. The same birthday I…

Clink

Went my fork as I sat it down, completely repulsed by the idea of eating more.

“I-I refuse to eat anymore.” My voice wavered, my words forced out as if I were a squeaky toy being squeezed slowly. I felt the familiar stinging sensation in the corner of my eyes, but I had to keep myself composed for the children.

“Are you okay?”

Both twins were looking at me, seeming concerned.

“Yes I’m fine. Please don’t concern yourselves. ” Blinking a few times was enough to be rid of the tears threatening to spill forth.

“That’s what all adults say-“ Selena spoke with a mouth full of cake.

“Maybe it’s because the adults need to be strong for the children-“ I fiddled with my fork, not knowing what else to do with my shaking hands.

“But if adults don’t cry once in a while, wouldn’t that be teaching us children showing emotion isn’t okay?”

Checkmate.

I winced on the inside. These children were insightful ones indeed.

My vision became blurry. The fork I had been holding dropped to the floor.  
All I recalled before my vision faded, was the muffled voices of the unicorns calling my name.

☆☆☆

The setting had changed once again, to a haunted hospital building. Outside, I noticed a clothing line, my handkerchiefs hung by safety pins, dripping ink. An ominous threat disguised underneath symbolism, I surmised. Searching in my bag, I did not find even a single one.

Hospitals had always made me uneasy, but I knew there was no diverting this. The maws of the building opened for me automatically. I stepped inside. The first floor appeared to be a waiting room with no patients. No one at the desks even.

I felt a knife stabbing my abdomen. Clutching it, I breathed in, then out, keeping calm until the pain subsided. I hoped I did not have an affliction.

I took the elevator nearby, which had no labelled floors. It took me wherever it chose, and I could not intervene, being a tumbleweed in the wind to it. With a ping, the elevator opened its doors, presenting me to what appeared to be a maternity ward. Looking through the large glass, I could see many cribs, most of which were empty except for one, containing two small, infant squids. Dribbling ink. Lifeless. Dead. Taking a few steps away from the window, I clutched my chest, then sprinted down the hallway, catching wind of a conversation from behind me.

“Aha! I’m a dad now! Look at my beautiful kids!” I thought I heard Fievel’s voice echo throughout the hallway, like how my memories echoed in my mind. Like a lone piano playing in a room.

“Having a family is important, ya know? Gotta spread your genes!”

“Fievel, I have a reproductive condition.”

“Maybe get it treated so ya can have kids?”

“I prefer adopting a child or two, assuming I will have someone in the future to raise them.  
Losing my fertility would truly be a relief. I do not intend to have intercourse. I would just feel more comfortable not being fertile.”

“Adopt? Hey that’s a noble cause but what about your bloodline? You’d make some  
cute lookin’ kids, Aitzin!”

“Again, I do not want biological kids. This conversation is making me uncomfortable.”

“…”

“Some pizza would be great right now. How about we head to the cafeteria?”

“…Alright…”

Blocking my ears, tears welling up in my eyes, I continued to run, further and further away, tripping and falling on a hardcover book. Picking up the book, which had been worn, barely holding onto its binding, I felt inclined to observe its literary contents. What I had found was the Liddell family tree, next to the Pleasance family tree. Our relatives were obscured by black blotches, only leaving us, and a hypothetical partner, lines branching off to no offspring.

Frustrated by the sight, I took out a pen from my bag, crossing the hypothetical partners out for both me and Alisa.

“I don’t need love from another, when I have you.” I spoke aloud to only myself. “You complete me, in a way he can’t. I’m assuming by this warm feeling in my heart, you feel the same way too.”

White rose petals fell out from the pages onto the tile. The hardcover book sparkled, healing the worn damage on it, bringing it back to life. The page’s ink leaked out until they were blank; new images formed upon them, of me and Alisa. I stored away my new finding into my bag, patting it. The one who has my heart now, the Pleasance to my Liddell. Thank you, Brewer Mouse.

That was when a crying voice called out to me, from room 111.

“Alisa!” I called out, twisting the knob of the door. It did not occur to me that this could potentially be dangerous. The latching clicked, followed by the door opening with a drawn-out creak.

Walking inside room 111, I found a stray handkerchief in the middle of the floor completely covered in blood. On the wall, a painting of the number 1111 was above the bed, pure sheets stained crimson, as well. Next to the bed, stood a mirror, the most colorful object in the room with its frame lilac and dark lilac. A crib stood at the very corner of the room, the two blankets stained with ink.

Disturbed by the sight, I wanted to leave this place quickly. I thought about stepping into the mirror, only to be stopped by a wailing voice much like Alisa’s coming towards me.

“I wasn’t wanted!”

A pink phantom, a fluffy chocolate and vanilla mane like a wreath on her neck, phased through the crib. Her ears impractically long, cherries at the tips. She had curly hair the same colors as her mane. A chocolate sugar cone stuck to her head, the pointed tip covered by a stemless cherry. Her most notable feature was her bleeding eyes, the color of cherry liquor.

“Nobody wanted me! I was a mistake!” She screamed, tossing the crib against the wall. The blunt force broke the crib into pieces.

“Mommy blamed me for her life!”

The phantom was not fully acknowledging me, I, who was backed to the very corner of the room, watching the scene transpire while stationed firmly at my post.

“I don’t want to live anymore!” Her paw went right towards the mirror. At that point, I shouted.

“Stop!” Charging towards the mirror, I grabbed the phantom's arm. “You’ll only destroy yourself!”

“What the hell do you know?” The paw continued towards the mirror. I used all my human strength to keep her from destroying it, surprised I was successful thus far.

“You’re just a form of me with a penis and testes!”

“That’s exactly why I would know! Take a moment and internalize what you just said!”

She pounded the wall closest to her. The mirror shook.

“Shut up! I hate those wolves! I hate my family! And I hate YOU most of all! Get out of my way!”

“You speak words of anger. Please calm down. Your anger, it’s valid, alright? I’m not telling you it isn’t like they have implied.”

Her arm fell to her side at the word “valid”. She sulked at me silently, bloody tears dripping down her face.

“I’m sorry…” She whispered.

“You don’t have to apologize to me.”

“No, stop making excuses for me!” She abruptly snapped back.

“Listen, you’re hurt. You’ve been through a lot in your life. Be gentle on yourself.”

“But I…” Her voice broke into a squeak. “I don’t know how to do that…”

I held onto her paw gently, the one that nearly smashed the mirror, noticing thorn marks all over it.

“Then I can teach you how. After all, I am you. We can learn how to love ourselves because of that connection.”

The phantom no longer could speak, silently embracing me with its teddy bear-like arms.

“You’re an idiot, Aitzin. A massive idiot, but I appreciate it.”

☆☆☆

I had been running for what felt like an eternity down these endless halls, the Victorian dresses still following closely behind. Finding a sword held by an empty knight, I took it, swinging it at the vile invisible ladies.

“Stay back! I’m not afraid to use this!” I shouted, swinging the sword with the same skill Crimson had. I might have learned a thing or two from the canine.

The dresses ran off, screaming as I charged after them. Sounds of silver against fabric could be heard, paired with hideous screaming. Tearing into all the dresses until nothing but fabric scattered across the floor like confetti. Blood like strawberry puree dripped from the blade, permanently staining the carpet floor. This must have been what a warrior felt like, I thought. A shame that their husbands did not come to save them.

The splits in my hands were irritated by the handle of the sword, but I carried it with me to my next destination, wherever that be.

Guilt grew like yeast in bread within me, realizing I had left the twins and Aitzin behind due to a vulnerable moment. I had to find my way back to them somehow.

Opening a random door, I found myself in an enormous library with a lofty ceiling, dangling glass lights hanging from there. Books were floating in the air, rearranging themselves on the shelves. I had my sword close to me, walking inside with optimal caution. Visions or hallucinations, whatever they may be, would appear every so often, of what, my eyes had difficulties deciphering due to their faintness. In the very back of the room was a crimson curtain. Slashing into the books aggressively flying towards me, I made it to the curtain, drawing them.

To see chairs aligned in rows, facing their backs to me. An altar with a doll of a man and a woman in wedding attire could be seen up ahead. My sword flew from my hand, pulled away by an invisible force, causing pain due to the handle’s friction against my wounded hand. The sword beheaded the bride and the groom, their turnip-looking heads rolling all the way to my feet.

The library scene dissipated around me, leaving the chairs floating in a sea of nothingness, the corpses as well. I quickly grabbed onto a chair, successfully getting myself fully on it. The groom’s body flew in my direction. Instinctively, I opened my arms, grabbing onto the headless body. All the other chairs and the corpse bride plunged into oblivion.

The nothingness transformed into a scene of a church, with an open casket at the altar. Only I attended the funeral, my usual dress replaced with a solemn gown, the color of ravens. I took the headless corpse I had been carrying and gently placed him in the open casket. May he rest easy, I thought, closing it.

A mirror appeared right behind me, showing Aitzin, reaching his hand out to me. I grabbed onto it, and he pulled me inside. The world turned into a rippling purple dimension, a checkered road spiraling ahead of us. Off in the distance, I could see an Eno running, beckoning us to follow them.

“I-I’m, erm, I am glad you are safe and sound.” He said, holding onto my hand with a solid grip.

“Same for you.” I said with a smile. “We need to end this nightmare. Let’s follow that Eno.”

Hand in hand, we wandered down the breathing path, thoughts of the twins running through our minds as we did. My intuition told me they were alright, albeit, scared and confused, but otherwise unharmed. The Eno was much faster than we were, waiting every so often until we were caught up enough to run once more.

It led us to a red door, phasing through it. Opening it, we were blinded by a bright light.

…

There we were on the strawberry moon, hand in hand, gazing at the twinkles above. Basking in our oneness, a special type of love extending beyond romantic. Cherisse curled up on Aitzin’s lap, sleeping soundly. The Hatters were doing their business managing LAP down below. The twins were on their dream off, spending time with La Patissier. All of us were grateful the nightmare had ended.

After the Crimson Shuck married the Cerulean Shuck, he mostly stopped coming to Lucid Amusement Park. Though this reality pained me, dream after dream, the thorns continued to loosen until I barely felt them anymore.

My wounded hand had been patched up with gauze, tenderly by Aitzin.

“Do be careful accepting roses from someone who does not love you in return, dear Alisa.”

He told me, wrapping the last piece of gauze around my right hand with a demure smile.

Someone important had told me, sometime ago.

“You don’t want to make your life revolve around a guy. Pave the way to your dreams.  
There’s more to life than romantic love. If it’s meant to be, it’ll come back. If it’s not, then there are better flowers waiting out there in the field.”

Back then I did not listen too well. I was too wrapped up in my fixation with the wolves to realize I had been neglecting myself.

But they were right.

I now live life with no regrets.


End file.
